It has been far too long and there were many many adventures, most of them involving a midget who turned out to be an asshole, and I have neglected my friends. I apologize for my absence and hope to give you all the gory details in the future. For now I will give you the episode recap (and part of me wishes i could do this with sappy music and a montage).
First- summer in Minnesota. I worked for a camp, felt like a child, fell for a midget, and broke all sort of rules. Also I worked for the circus. And may or may not have gotten fired.
THEN
I moved to the big city in with our favorite guitar playing, LES songwriter: Margot Kelley. Our apartment is great, and cheap. We rarely see each other because my responsibilities keep me plugging away to bring you tomorrow’s new literature during the day, and Kelley keeps the wealthy full and happy at night. Plus- there’s always the adventures.
So now I’m here, working, living, trying, lying, and slowly dying, and this weekend I had a dilemma.
I got asked out. By a boy. and he’s cute and nice and I want him to like me. Earlier in the week he asked me if i would like to go for sushi for our date. Two things went through my mind, “YES and hungry.” I love sushi. In fact I love love sushi. But sushi leaves me hungry. or broke, which is really the issue at hand.
I know it is common practice for boys to pay for girls when they take them out on a date, but i loathe it. First off, I refuse to pick the restaurant because i never want to pick any one that may be out of his price range so I end up sounding like a girl with no opinion. This also means on several occasions I have suffered through meals I hated. Then, once at the table, i never really get to order what i really want because the prices are RIGHT THERE and i have to order something mid-range, even if the meal i want is the cheapest because you don’t want them to think you think they are cheap. Finally when it gets close to the end of the meal, I start to panic.
The waitress begins to clear away our plates and we both know what’s coming. This is the part where I usually down what’s left of my drink. When she finally sets down l’addition, I want to weep. I think the problem is that it makes me feel indebted to someone. I don’t want to feel like I owe the man i am with anything, and I don’t want him to feel like he has to pay for my company. I want us to be equal, and maybe, able to leave at any moment’s notice without regretting the things we left at the table.
Honestly, I feel this way about relationships in general. We should each have our own checks and take on only what we can pay for, but the nature of a relationship is to share responsibility, which means when the check comes, it gets messy. Either we must dive back in to hash out what was fair and what was not, or we must simply give up and leave our hearts on the table. How sad.
As I mature, and meet more men, and have more dinner,s I am trying to change my approach. Because the dishes are delightful and each serving brings something new and interesting to my palate. I develop new tastes and explore new sensations. The things before me are enthralling and exciting and delicious. So now i try to forget about that bittersweet moment when he raises his hand, calling out “check please,” and just enjoy each bite of life as it comes.
Au revior. 
Bon apetite mon amour!
